Say Goodbye to this One Bad Habit and See the Wonders you Can Create
Do you suddenly experience bouts of sadness, physical strain in your neck and head? Are you frequently a part of small fights and arguments with your loved ones? Do you feel disconnected from those around you in your office or at a party?
Let’s look at what’s causing the disconnection and what’s quietly draining your happiness.
Before you begin understanding your life and your habits, take a closer look at your thoughts, your conversations, and your actions. Rewind today’s day or the previous day just like it was a film.
You’ll notice that the disconnect, the low energy, and the feeling of separation were outcomes of minor moments of judgment. And the smile, the feeling of satisfaction, and contentment were outcomes of the moments of appreciation and compassion.
Every time you judge someone/yourself or participate in a judgmental conversation, hearing someone’s opinion of others, you feel a sense of physical and mental weakness. While each time you support/encourage someone or appreciate the little things around you, you feel aligned with the world, your emotions, your goals, and your life.
A Course in Miracles says, “The ego cannot survive without judgment. The ego seeks to divide and separate. Spirit seeks to unify and heal.”
Then, why are most of us stuck in the vicious cycle of judgment? Why do we spend so much time thinking about what others are doing?
One of the top reasons is the kind of world we live in. We are surrounded by views that give tremendous value to status, looks, and material wealth. Our energies are consumed by thoughts like — what label is she wearing, which car is he driving, where and how much is he spending, how is she looking? There’s a race to feel ‘less than’ or ‘greater than’ with that or without that possession.
By sharing our views AND receiving an agreement on them, we can avoid the feeling of insecurity, inadequacy, and lack of self-worth. It is easier to make fun of someone else and their perceived weaknesses than to identify our own. If we didn’t judge, we would see everyone as equal, irrespective of their status, wealth, qualifications, and looks.
The last year has been the year of learning and introspection for me. I’ve read many spiritual and inspirational books to mend my ways of living. As I read ‘The Universe Has Your Back’ by Gabrielle Bernstein, I realized how judgment weakened my power. How I wasted my time affected by the judgment of society? How I made myself feel weaker, not a part of, not as capable as others when I was equally capable?
Hence, I decided to work on my ways and my thoughts. Earlier, when someone passed a judgment about me, I had feelings of aggression, jealousy, envy, comparison, enmity, lower self-confidence, poor focus, etc.
However, after mending my ways, practising meditation, and reminding myself how judgment only pulls me down, I have transformed these emotions into introspection, appreciation, inspiration, motivation, and learning. I listen to the comment, meditate and introspect to analyze if I am wrong and can improve.
Talking to yourself definitely helps in connecting with the inner conscience. If you feel that you are wrong, you can connect with your inner conscience to find solutions for change. If you feel that you are not wrong and the other person just passed an unnecessary judgment, place your hand on your heart and pray for his/her happiness. Also, remember to thank him/her in your heart. It was only after hearing their comment that you took out time to introspect and heal your inner self.
When it was about judging someone else, as soon as I entered that zone, I jumped out of it focusing my mind on work targets, goals for self-care and improvement, book reading, exercising, meditation, and more. In no time, I realized that I built new connections that I had missed out on so far, created new business opportunities, completed tasks at a faster pace, and built more intimate personal relationships. Those moments of lack of self-worth, inability to try new things, fears of failure, were replaced by joy, new learnings, hobbies, and more love.
An interesting firsthand experience that I’d like to share here is from a recent family celebration. My husband and I were enjoying appetizers when a girl entered. She was well-dressed and confident. In a minute, she was able to strike a conversation with everyone else and grab their attention. She had stories about her hectic job life, her travel experiences, and she continued to speak, dominating the conversation.
I didn’t quite like the attention she was seeking. It felt like she was trying to boast about her career and show me down since I am a freelance writer. In response to these thoughts and her actions, I started sharing my experiences, what I have been reading off late and suggested some games that we could play to make the party more fun. I didn’t do this voluntarily and only wanted to come across as intelligent and as interesting as that other girl.
As dinner was served, the girl walked up to me to appreciate an article I had written in the past. She said she could connect with what I shared and it did make a difference to her life. In a minute, my perception of the girl and I changed.
The moment changed in an instant as I realised that she was not seeking attention, she was not acting better than me, she was just being a part of the party. It was me who created the perceptions in my head, reduced my self-confidence and acted rather silly to gain everyone’s attention.
In a nutshell, I learned that half the battle was in my head. It was me who was ‘judging’ and ‘feeling judged’, and it was me who was lowering my self-confidence.
So, if you have been spending time thinking about how you are doing in life, please tell yourself – I AM DOING GREAT!
If you keep thinking about what someone said about you, please tell yourself – I AM READY TO BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF!
And if someone judges you incorrectly or you often judge others, please tell yourself – THERE’S A LOT TO ACHIEVE, LET ME FOCUS ON WHAT I NEED TO DO!
Using these powerful statements, you can wrestle back control and shape your life and thoughts rather than let them be shaped.